The Nation of HoodLam

In 8th grade, I was in a “gang”* called the Hoodlums. D Money  has decided he would also like to be involved in this “venture”. I mean, isn’t he just the Cutest Little Hoodlum Bandito of all time? I really don’t have anymore observations about that other than he was wearing a hood here and I snapped a photo because I like my kid. But it did remind me of how the other day, I was looking through some photos, specifically of the “double eagle” post during one of last summer’s golf outing. Anyhoo, it kind of gave me reason to really try to document more things in photo.  That really wasn’t that long ago but even I can see vast differences in The Boy between then and now and then when I stop to think about that happy little moment in time that pretty much started out of nothing and how, even now, I can look back fondly on that little moment of time-wasting and experience the fun all over again. It seems to cliche to say that “They grow up so fast” but the reason that it is cliche is because It’s True!! It is a complete joy to hang out with The Boy and I pledge to document more of our Acts of HoodLamicness and Tomfoolery in photo for posterity’s sake as well as your own reading enjoyment. (if you don’t like hoodlamicness or tomfoolery, you can just come here for the hilarious jokes in 2010..and beyond!)   

*I am hesitant to call what we did a “gang” since it has such negative connotations. We were never really involved in organized crime, though if you ask certain participants it’s a gray area. Really, the worst thing we ever did, for the most part anyway, was to run victory laps around the school in between classes and then tear up each others’ neighborhoods on bikes. I mean, you can really get in a lot of trouble when you’re 14 years old, believe me I know..but we weren’t much of a “gang” in that sense. There was never any fights with other gangs, or drugs, or other violence. Let me just clarify all of that before everyone starts talking about my former heathen lifestyle. 

Now..this is the Bob Barker approved “A New Car!!” post…it is way past due but I’m tired of looking at it in the “drafts” folder. So..A Double Feature Friday! Hooray!! I Like It!

Alright, so now we get to the part where I clean out the never posted drafts folder for End of Year 2009. Hence the dual title. Choose which one you like more, it’s really your day, loyal reader! Regardless of how unorganized I may appear to be, I do indeed like for things to be in order. It may just be that my idea of order happens to dwell in exactly the same place as your idea of chaos. Funny how that works out, no?  Nevertheless, allow me to share this old post that was intended to be around The Boy’s birthday. He got this car for his birthday and we took some photos of that. So, I don’t know about you, but I think it’s about time that we busted out in a little ditty called, “Ridin’ Dirty”  

They see me rollin’
They hatin’
Patrollin’, They tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud, I’m swangin’
They hopin’ that they gon’ catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin dirty 

 I don’t know but sometimes you just have to let the wisdom of others, like Chamillionaire in this case, speak for themselves. There’s a reason that people always quote someone else when they’re trying to sound smart; It’s because someone else said it so perfectly and concisely that you just can’t do any better. And in this case you can’t do any better than “Ridin’ Dirty”  

Blame It All On My Roots, I Showed Up In Boots!!

The Worst Parent In The World (For This Week)  Award goes to Daddy Dub because he didn’t send The Boy to school with a hat on Hat Day. And to be completely fair, I think it’s because I personally wear too many hats. See, I was thinking the other day how I “wear” at least 30 different hats during the course of my travails. And before you go and get all huffin’ and puffin’ about how that’s impossible or how that isn’t true whatsoever, let me just point out that one of these hats is The Noisemaker Hat.

Meaning that I have a responsibility to make noises for my own entertainment, and for others torture. So, why don’t we celebrate the beauty of noises with this song that I recently taught D Money, called, “Tiny Salmon” and maybe we should just pause momentarily to celebrate the greatness of Tiny Salmon. Because even though Tom Green is kind of 1999′ish, his comedy is still funny, especially the faces he could make.

Noises, faces…that kind of sounds like someone else I know!!

More Human Interest

You might not be a nerd like me, but I really found delight in the Google Sesame Street images this week. Here are all of them in their full unencumbered glory.

Too preoccupied to write more hilarious and entertaining content which no one really reads anyway so enjoy some Halloween pictures and try not to steal your kids’ leftover candy.

I just looked up my own blog today only  to find out that I have not posted new content in over a month. I thought, “That’s terrible, Timmy.” and then found out that I actually posted no new content for the entire month of August.  And really, that worked out well for me because I know how to say “Two Months” in French thanks to the Simpsons. They never said “One Month” on there, thus I don’t know how to say that phrase. And since I’m hoping to avoid Deux Mes of no posts, here are some snippets of the bizness.*

Now Presenting: A Triple Feature of Extra Golden Special Stories.

Act I – The closest I got to a pirate costume for Halloween.

Waaaaaaay back in probably 2004 or so, I decided that I was going to invest a little time and money every year into the same costume. That chosen costume was a pirate. Imagine how cool that costume would be now if I had actually done what I said I was going to do.  I’d probably have a tri-corn, some cool boots, a puffy shirt, eye patch, oooh, a big dirty scimitar or saber, maybe a cool barrel loading pistol. The possibilities are endless since it’s all imaginative. The closest thing I have to a pirate costume is a wig that might pass for unwashed pirate hair. And for the record, there might be a viking helmet one day. I’ve been trying to get that done for several years as well.

Act II – Read Book??

Since this blog is kind of supposed to be about Delton…he really likes to read books right now. And I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY** likes to read books. And I encourage that for sure, don’t get me wrong, but I can only read “The Poky Little Puppy” so many times. He also has these Dora the Explorer books that I more or less have memorized. I do have a fun little game that I’ve made up where I just turn the pages and make up a story as I go, a la Abilene 1999-2000 (you know what I’m talkin’ bout!) or MST3K (You probably don’t know what I”m talking about, unless you’re super duper geeked out cool) and I’m proud to report that these stories have not once digressed into bloody battles between Dora and Boots or stories about the time Dora and Boots were arrested for plotting to blow up Parliament on Guy Fawkes Day or something. But, be warned, it could happen. So, let me just end with this caveat, if Delton ever tells you a story that I told him and it sounds like something that you remember actually happening only the names were changed to protect the innocent, then it is likely not deja vu. It probably really did happen and I just ran out of random stories to tell so I had to revert to the actual truth.

**I contemplated cut and pasting that a shlockload of times but that joke is kind of played out, so I guess..you’re welcome

Act III – Chicanery Free Collectibles

First of all, I’m a little confused as to what that title exactly means but I wrote it several different ways and all seemed as though they contained some type of double entendre*** which was not my intent in any way. This is just a little reminder for everyone as to what exactly this blog is all about. It’s about The Boy. It’s about families and engaging with your child on a personal basis as much as possible. It’s about enjoying life as a child would and remembering that it really is the simple things in life which bring us the most happiness. It’s about the joy that Mista Miroki gives me when he expresses his awe and appreciation for a pumpkin, or that I never get tired of hearing him say, “Oh! Pumpkin!”. It’s about the wonder and amazement of a special little man that shouts out, “Oh, Spiderman!” when he sees a Spiderman toothbrush, only it sounds like “Spynennnenn!” or maybe just, “I see something, Daddy!”  Or that he asks me constantly to read him books and I happily oblige. Or that we sat down the other night to watch “You’re a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.”**** and D Money occasionally just looked over and said,  while smiling, or actually beaming, “Watch Movie”, while happily pointing at the TV.  It’s about how a child’s laughter can be so infectious as to give you fits of laughter weeks later when simply remembering that moment. It’s about the simple joy of spending time with your child or someone else’s child and feeling young again. And isn’t that what it should ALWAYS be about, friendos?

Word of advice: Don’t read these subnotes unless you really have nothing better to do. They’re extremely rambling and mostly for my own entertainment. If you however, think every single thing I do and say is as funny as I do, then these are also for you:

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*The bizness refers to pretty much anything you would like it to mean. Also, if that isn’t how you spell “Deux Mes” in French, then you’ll have to understand that I (a) really don’t care and (b) don’t really care to look up the proper spelling and (c) am not a wine swilling, terrorist loving Frenchy (I didn’t realize it was going to digress into xenophobia and bigotry/racism here today but most people don’t care about when you make fun of the French, and it’s also in italics so that makes it okay if you ask me.) Boy, you’re sorry you stuck around for that last part, aren’t you?

***Again, it might be spelled wrong but I don’t know, I’m not a Frenchy and for that matter, I’m not even sure that word is French. I mean, I think denouement is French but this is not the denouement although denouement would have been an okay term to use in order to avoid the aforementioned double entendre. Capische? See, now that’s hilarious because I just used an Italian slang word to finish a sentence which contained some ridiculous French. Aren’t you glad you have me to explain why jokes are funny? Wanna shake hands with a black millionaire?

****I’m too lazy/bored/scared/cold/tired/exhausted/hyper/enthralled/obsequious to look up whatever the title of that movie was on The Internet. That’s one thing I really despise about The Internet. It really does make you work to put all that information at your fingertips. Internet, you’re kind of selfish.

It’s hard to believe it’s been two years since the stork brought The Boy to our doorstep. But it’s on his birth certificate and everything and since his birth certificate appears to be real and isn’t from some country of dubious birth certificates like Dominican Republic or somewhere else, I guess he really is two today. Happy Birthday Big B!

Do you ever spend your nights thrashing about to some killer riffs then wonder why you wake up with a pounding headache? Protect yourself, man. Safety first, man. Go on, bang your head. After all, metal health will drive you mad. But eardrums are like little diamonds in your ear. They’re rare and nearly irreplaceable.

This Public Service Announcement has been sponsored by Miroki and Phriends. Glad to be of service. Theme music at the bottom sponsored by Quiet Riot and The Sword. BANG YOUR HEAD!

Delton’s favorite band is Sugarland. He doesn’t call them that though, he calls them “Joey” and we’re unsure if he is calling them “Joey” or thinks their name is “Zoey”.

Note: After writing this blog update, I found out during the editing that I was wrong about the video feature. I can post one video and so I did. However, I am too tired/lazy/don’t care to go back and rewrite anything. So, enjoy the Delton video posted here and peruse the links if you’re so inclined.

I never thought that it was possible to place a value on friendship but today I found out that it is. And that price is $60. Because when I tried to post new video today on the blog, I was informed that feature is now considered an upgrade and will cost $60 per year. So, then I thought about it for about 15 seconds and decided our friendship is not worth $60. Sorry.

If you feel like having to click one less link or so to get your newest Delton and Zoey video is worth $60, please contact The Management. *See note at bottom

The good news is that I at least felt a little remorseful about this new predicament so I’m attaching links, with commentary to a few more videos that are the hot internet nutz right now.

Delton and Zoey Swimming this past weekend.

I haven’t been very good with updates regarding our life outside of the internet. Delton has a new cousin, Molly, and we went to see her and visit his favorite cousin Zoey. They went swimming and also fed the ducks.

12 Million views on YouTube

You might already be one of the 12 million, but the two people who I converse with most at work haven’t seen this video yet so that’s only 33% as I’m doing the math. A couple of things really strike me about this video. I think it’s very sweet for one thing. And the other is I need to learn more about Minnesota because I have some serious evil twins running around up there.

Guerilla Consumerism

I admit that I forwarded this to one of my marketing professors because I thought it applied to his class that I took and I’m not even embarrassed by that. So, take that POW!

The Man In Black

The cutest little Johnny Cash cover I’ve ever seen. And after all, cute is what we’re all about at Miroki and Phriends, Inc.

Kevin Skinner the Chicken Catcher

I don’t watch America’s Got Talent so I’m going to assume you don’t. However, this guy is wearing what was known as a burape in the 8th grade and I never got to have one, so I’m a little jealous of that. Then he is singing a country song, so that’s two thumbs up in his favor. Go ahead and see if gets the other two thumbs up in this link…

Note: There is no Management. Any attempts to contact Management or say Management’s name aloud will result in your blog privileges being revoked. Any attempts to look directly in the eyes of Management will result in loss of sight, hearing or both.

We have a new game at our house. It’s called “Bee Bo Bye” and the rules go something like this:

You put the ball through the hoop and say “Bee Bo Bye”
You put items in a basket and say “Bee Bo Bye”
You pick stuff up off the ground and say “Bee Bo Bye”
You throw something and say “Bee Bo Bye”
Who ever says “Bee Bo Bye” wins.

Anyone ever heard of this game? Maybe you know of some rules that I missed, because this whole game is very puzzling to me.

I was pretty excited to have the next Sam Snead on my hands but it looks like I may have the next Eric Montross as well. It’s good to be Uncle/Daddy Dub these days, kids.

And there is more from whence that cometh, however I won’t make the same mistake I made last time and blow through it all at once. Who knows if anything interesting will happen over the next month…

I know that this blog has been sadly devoid of photos recently so here is what’s known in Texas as a passel of photos from the last several weeks. If you are just itching to have a Delton fix, here is your opportunity. This is the link. Just click it. The link. This one right here. Or this one. Or maybe this one. Or what about this one. Should you click this one? I don’t know. This one might be something different. Or this one might be an old rickroll. But you said you weren’t going to do that nonsense anymore, Uncle D. Well, good luck with those links. I promise this one is safe. And this one too. But not this one. Whatever you do, don’t click this one. I knew you would do it. It’s like anytime I tell you NOT to do it, you just have to do that very thing. What’s with you these days? Do you just want to fight? Is that all you care about? Sometimes I think I don’t even know you anymore.