The Phamily Times

The honeymoon is over, folks. I’ve been noticing more frequently that Delton can get up into a 4 point stance by himself. (If you don’t know what that means, ask anyone who you know that knows anything about football. I personally don’t know anything about football at all but I heard this coach say that one time so it sounded cool.) And so, he’s been rolling around on the floor, getting up in a 4 point stance and rocking somewhat, and generally flopping about on the floor.

He’s definitely mobile at this point but this progress has forced me to realize that my days are numbered and Delton will begin crawling any day now. That can only mean I’ll get to devote a portion of my valuable time to chasing him around and keeping him out of trouble. I’m pretty excited about that as I was just saying aloud to myself the other day how much free time I have and I wish I could find a worthwhile hobby or something.

On another note, I might be the only one but I think it’s funny when Delton cries. I don’t mean that I make him cry or torment him just to enjoy laughing at him. That would be cruel. I just get a small chuckle when something upsets him and his only recourse is to cry. It’s funny to me because in his small world anything that is somewhat out of the ordinary is a crying shame. You simply are not allowed to change anything from equilibrium status. It Just Ain’t Right!!! I know that it’s completely normal, after all, he’s just a baby!  And there is a wonderful emotion for me that comes from consoling a crying baby but I do, at times, find humor in the level of frustration and anger that can come from something as simple as being sat down on a stone. So.. examine this for me and see if you get a laugh out of it too..

And completely off-topic and unrelated to Delton, but of importance in my esteemed and most valuable opinion………
During one of my blog-walks, I came across this on the internet and it bothered me enough to tell someone about it. There is a pastor of a church in Jamaica that was shot three times in the head and once in the chest during a robbery attempt. Miraculously, he did not die but is obviously in serious condition at this point. The information I was able to find indicates that he is in ICU but they are unable to do surgery at this point while they attempt to regulate blood pressure and there is some risk of further damage the longer they wait to operate. I’m sure this family covets and would appreciate your prayers. However, the article also references two additional shootings of clergy in Jamaica in the past year and it caused me to realize how much I have to be grateful for on a daily basis. It’s unconscionable to me that anything like this would happen and moreso that it isn’t even front page news in major media. This is the link. 

Today marks a very momentous occasion. It is the only day of your entire lives that Delton will be 8 months old and Cara will be 28 years old. Tomorrow, Cara is 29 years old and I personally think everyone in cyberspace should not only wish her a happy birthday but also remind her that she is 29 years old. Because you see, tomorrow is the 29th of May and Cara will be 29 years old and it isn’t very often that you get to turn 29 on the 29th. And in case you didn’t know, 29 is the number that comes after 28 and 29 is the number that comes before 30. And it’s 29 because it’s 29 and that means 29. Is that clear enough for you? (Editor’s Note: It is also the birthday of The Machine of Siggies. You know who you are.)

After some debate, I decided this will be the only photo you can have of our recent festivities. And that I will make you wait at least another week for Photo Smorgasbord 4.0 which may be referred to as Delton Force Photo Frenzy or DFPF or maybe just DelPhelPhoFren or DelForPhoFren or DeeDubPhelPhoFren. It could go so many different ways.

However, it would be unfair to not at least provide some update on the Artist Formerly Known As D-Money because he did surpass the 8 month milestone barrier yesterday, so that’s nice. At his weigh in last night, Delton “Miroki” Phelps clocked in at 24 lbs, 13 oz. We didn’t measure his length mostly because you can only get him to sit still when he is asleep and when that happens, we generally don’t waste our time measuring babies but rather take advantage of the opportunity to get some of the aforementioned sleep for ourselves. But I do sometimes use that time to measure the circumference of my head or measure the length of time it takes for me to do my nightly chores and get in bed and fall asleep. The research on that topic is inconclusive since I have yet to determine the exact time that I fall asleep each night.

Also, Delton is doing hilarious baby things like sitting up and staring directly into people’s souls. He has a new funny game that includes watching himself as he opens and closes his own hands. He can occupy a few minutes on his own by simply staring at his own hands as he grasps at air. He has also mastered putting the papsy in his mouth on his own. So much so, that if it’s in his general area, he will find it and put it in his mouth. Papa made the joke the other day that he is like Maggie Simpson, who if you don’t know, is the baby on the Simpsons that only expresses herself through sucking a pacifier.

He is getting to be pretty independent as well. He enjoys attempting to kick all the items off the changing table when it’s diaper changing time and also flopping around on the changing table to see if he can execute the very difficult triple sowkow dismount from the changing mat. For that reason, it is unsafe to leave him unattended, more precisely, you should always keep one hand on the boy or else he will attempt to execute the triple sowkow dismount and it won’t be pretty. (note: I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as a triple sowkow dismount in gymnastics but it works out to be a convenient joke for me. Thanks for playing)

We’ve also discovered that Delton has a severe distaste for vegetables. I have already been warned that this behavior is not funny like I think it is and that I should not encourage it in any way. As much as it pains me, I am going to have to sort of agree with that. I’ll just toe the generations old company line of “You should always eat your vegetables!”
note: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And Delton also seems to be able to recognize people now. I’m hesitant to put that on there because I envision it playing out one of two ways: A) Someone scolds me because they read in a real book somewhere, and not on wikipedia like me, that it’s impossible for babies to have any memory of anyone until they’re 18 months or something or B) Someone corrects me and says babies learn to do that at a much earlier age than 8 months and I must be an idiot because I didn’t notice it earlier. Either way, I have simply observed that my baby, The One and Only Chubbito Delton, has gotten good at expressing enthusiasm and friendliness. I really appreciate that he will flap his arms in excitement when I go to pick him up from school. Or that he wiggles frothily when he sees a grandparent again for the first time in a few weeks. I think that’s a pretty neat characteristic.

Also, Delton has a new game called I refuse to hold my own bottle even though everyone knows I can do it. Actually that shouldn’t be new but it is a source of mild annoyance when you see him pick things up and put them in his mouth all day long but refuse to do so with a bottle. Secretly, I’m kind of proud of him for that. After all, I’d prefer that someone else hold my food for me while I just lay back and focus on chewing and swallowing. Might as well get all the freebies that we can in life, eh?

So, keep your eyes peeled for another photo phrenzy at some indiscriminate point in the future and at least 2 editions of Daddy Dub’s Special Stories. Potential topics include: Lakers v Celtics; The Tragic Demise of Pimp-C; Workplace Travails (those never disappoint, do they?); Items Seen Dead on the Road While Driving to Abilene; Is Lawn really Abilene’s own version of Cut-N-Shoot?; Hilarious Time Wasters; Productive Time Wasters…Oxymoron?; 927 Ways the Man is Out to Get Me; The 254 Counties of Texas and Their Trinomial Nomenclature (bet you can’t wait for that one!?!?); or maybe just a Big Ol’ Mess o’ Links, but I quit doing that because no one ever actually clicked on the links. Really, the possibilities are endless. I can endlessly spew forth random writings with drivel-like qualities from now until the Apocalypse.

Also, for your discussion:

Ethical Quandary:  I found a $5 bill by the mailboxes at work. Do I keep it or try to return it to it’s rightful owner? Is that even a possibility?