The Phamily Times

So, I don’t have much to report but I did have some photos uploaded earlier today and I was struggling for at least something to write….then a dirty diaper situation that I can only describe as Chernobyl happened about 45 minutes ago and I have just now recovered. I know it’s part of parenting and everyone has stories but what do you call a 3 round, 2 diaper, 10 plus wipes, 1 outfit change, triple handwash and then sanitizer after that? Whether it’s alert level RED, the Seventh Bowl or what I called Chernobyl…it’s disgusting and hilarious at the same time and I can only hope EVERYONE gets at least one of those in their life!

So, we took some pictures of Delton on his SEVEN month birthday the other day.  Some of them were decent.

 By the way, that scar on the inside of my wrist….IS COOOOOOOOLLL!!!!!

Do you ever have one of those moments where the light goes off and you feel so stupid that you didn’t know something you have been using for almost a year has these capabilities that you didn’t know of?

Welcome to Photo Smorgasbord version 2.0. I’m not sure if I’m just an idiot (don’t answer that please. I’m sure you all think I’m an idiot, okay?) but wordpress did just revise their interface and I’m just going to believe that this is a new feature but anyway, I finally determined an easy way to upload many many photos.

So, I had grand intentions of showing these in some kind of organized way but that’s just too much rubbish for me to deal with on this grand Friday. The good news is: PICTURES! PICTURES! PICTURES! PICTURES! And since, I’m feeling in a good mood. I think i’ll include some of my heartfelt commentary and other such important facts. Okay, friendo?

Scene I – Delton learns at an early age the importance of a gameface. That’s the look of sheer concentration. Or as Brian Fantana might say, “That’s the smell of desire my lady.”

Scene II – In which Delton finds something that is pleasing to beat on. Every parent out there comments on how their kids could care less about some expensive toy but give ‘em a box, blanket or something else and they’ll be occupied for hours. So, to make the story short, he wanted to beat on my keyboard but I found this old one in the garage and he couldn’t be happier. Beat, beat, beat, all day long. Beat beat beat while I sing this song!

Scene III – Delton finds his new favorite spot. I’m not looking at the camera because I’m watching him in the mirror to ensure that a) I don’t drop him because we all know how clumsy I am and b) I don’t get spit on or my hair pulled or that I don’t get beaten too severely on the head. They did used to call me Rhinoceros back in the day for how much I enjoy head butting people but it does begin to hurt to be slapped on the top of the head after a while.

Scene IV – Family portrait including a much needed dog. Dogs really do make the world go round.

Act II, Scene IV, in three parts.  - Delton hanging out with Zoey. Would you be surprised to know that all attempts to slap Zoey on the head were quashed? I’m not kidding about that either. He enjoys tormenting as much as I do. And I enjoy it a LOT!

Act III, Scene IV – Daddy hanging with Zoey. Not Zoey’s daddy though, Delton’s Daddy. So, more appropriately, “Uncle Dub hanging with Zoey”. I sometimes forget that I have cool uncle responsibilities to uphold in addition to cool dad responsibilities and also being a general billy b.a. winner at life.

Scene left on the editing room floor – The Two Grandfathers.

“CUT! CUT! CUT! No, no. NO NO NO! This is all wrong!  You know, Papa, you’re supposed to smile FOR the camera. Not look wildly off to one corner of the room. It isn’t that hard, even Delton got it right. Once more, from the top.” See, I could make it in the movie business after all, I know how to yell at people.

Scene V – Delton in the Basket. It’s a well known fact that hanging out in a basket causes introspection in all people. You can just see the gears of soul searching spinning wildly.

DELETED EXTRAS that we’ll save for the Criterion collection release.

Pictures of the cutest niece of all time, Zoey Lauren Hill. Primarily because I just have to share them and really, everyone loves babies, so what harm can it do?

 Roll Credits – Scenes of the family at home. Preferably a touching scene of Father and son. This one is nearly studio quality except for the shiny sweat on my face. I guess it’s the time of year for cold showers again. It’s the only sensible thing to do.